Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so let's talk penis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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