How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
