I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
