so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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