fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
