why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
