You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
