it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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