I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
