so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
