I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
