He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
