birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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