Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
