The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
