my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
