I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
