Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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