my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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