Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
