If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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