I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And then he peed in my hair
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