I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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