I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
