I got chris browned last night
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
