I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
zippers are such a cool invention
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
