Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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