how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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