I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
