She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You took a bar mat shot.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
