you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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