Just fell off a train. Bad.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
