i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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