I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize