Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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