Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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