As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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