Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
