I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
