I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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