i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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