you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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