guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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