Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
