Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
