and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
