Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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