evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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