the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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