oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
