i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
