I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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