i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
