is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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