Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
