omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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