But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize