if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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