i think my tv is drunk
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
