I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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