Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
