Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
