hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
