so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
