We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize