don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
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