If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
