How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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