shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It was confusing and full of hummus
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
