Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
